The Home

The Home

Our homes are one of the last places we would expect to be harassed. But sadly, it is one of the most common sites where violence against women begins.

“My elderly landlord asks me personal questions about my whereabouts, my family and even my boyfriends. Sometimes he calls me at inappropriate times and makes suggestive remarks.”

“My husband’s close friend once came home when he knew my husband would be away at work. I was shocked when he began to ask personal questions like if I was happy with my husband and that he could make me very happy. I am scared to tell my husband about the incident… I have been so disturbed. Will he believe me?”

It is important to recognize sexual harassment at home. It can often be prolonged or become a prelude to stalking or serious harassment.

What it is

What is sexual harassment at home?

Sexual harassment includes unwanted sexually determined behaviour such as physical advances and bodily contacts, sexually coloured comments and double entendres, demanding or requesting sexual favours and any other unwelcome sexual conduct. When this happens in our homes or in the vicinity, by people who we know (uncles, father’s friend, extended family members, security guards, friends, residents of the same colony, neighbours and so on) it becomes sexual harassment at home.

Why is sexual harassment at home serious?

Sexual harassment at home is serious because there is a good chance that you know the perpetrator, making the incident even more painful for you. The perpetrator can be an uncle, the son of a family friend, an extended family member, a neighbour, a cousin, the landlord or a friend of your own/brother’s/father’s.

According to NCRB data, of the 18555 rape cases where the perpetrator is known to the victim, 35.2% are committed by neighbours, 7.4% by relatives, 2 % by parents or close family members and a majority of 55.4% by other known persons.

The incidents may be premeditated, especially if the offender is close to the family and knows your whereabouts and daily schedule.

Who can do it?

Any man can be a potential harasser: a distant cousin, a family friend, a friend, a neighbour, father’s friend, brother’s friend, distant relative, close relative, neighbour’s son, the landlord, service people such as security guard, domestic helper, postman, plumber, electrician, vegetable vendor, salesman, friend’s friend and strangers, among others.

“My mama (uncle) came over to stay for few days with us. At first I thought he was warm and friendly. But soon he started giving me long hugs, rubbing my arms and shoulders, and one day he even touched my breasts. Though he apologized immediately, I know it was not an accident. Now he makes me feel very uncomfortable.”

Age and marital status are not factors (either the harasser’s or the victim’s) that can prevent a person from harassing or from being harassed.

Why is it so invisible and unrecognised by law?

It is hidden because not many report it and not because it does not occur.

1.Women fear that they will not be taken seriously or will be ridiculed.

2.The victim might ‘genuinely’ believe she is responsible for the sexual harassment.

3.When sexual harassment occurs by family members, there are pressures to keep it hushed and hidden.

4.The witnesses, who are also family members, tend to back out during legal processes.

5.It is believed sexual harassment dishonours the woman. Reporting will cause further embarrassment to her.

Is sexual harassment at home the same as child sexual abuse?

Sexual harassment and child sexual abuse are related but not the same. In the latter, the victim is a minor, that is, below 18 years of age. While the former may happen at the workplace, streets, homes and colleges, among others, the latter usually occurs in private spaces.

Is sexual harassment at home different from domestic violence?

It depends. Sexual harassment committed by a relative, spouse or live-in partner living under the same roof as the victim falls under the purview of domestic violence. However, it is a case of sexual harassment when the offender is a family member not living under the same roof as the victim.

Possible Steps

If you are currently facing sexual harassment at home, the first step for you is to stop it. You need to ensure that you are safe. Moreover, you do not need to go through this alone. Share with people whom you can trust. You must, especially if you are below 18 years of age.

You can prevent this by not going through this alone. Seek help. Report it. Remember sexual harassment is a crime. Reporting it is an important way to ensure justice. You are probably saving other people from going through a similar situation of harassment.

Personal Safety

Your first priority is your personal safety. While common sense is your best defence, your aim should be to make your environment safe and protect yourself.

The following strategies of safety are not exhaustive. Your individual case of sexual harassment may require a unique response.

• Physically remove yourself from the situation of risk immediately, if possible. Use whatever means that work. Sometimes even small talk or sweet talk can help you in buying time.
• Avoid being alone with the harasser. Ensure that there are people around you when the harasser is around. The latter will try and corner you. But gauging his actions from before can save you from risky situations.
• Keep emergency contact numbers in hand. One way of securing these numbers is to save them as speed dials in your mobile phone. This way you can dial them when you need help and even create witnesses to the incident.
• You do not need to join a self-defence class (though that’s a good option if you are being stalked!), but do not hesitate to use common household items (scissors, pen, safety pin, knives, etc) or even your elbows as your weapons.
• Having a dog as a pet is a good idea to preserve your sense of protection.
• You can put up a good safety net by using your own intelligence, being alert, trusting your intuition, common sense, being assertive and physical strength.
• Refuse service members such as electricians/ plumbers to enter home without seeing their ID. If you feel uncomfortable still, ask them to come later or on a particular date and time, when there may be people around.

Confronting the harasser

Harassers choose their victims carefully. They look for victims, who they think will be silent and/or not resist. Avoiding or ignoring him is only a temporary solution.

Silence, as a form of communication, is often deliberately mistaken as consent by the harassers. Consequently, a good way of dealing with the harasser is to do the unexpected – name the action. A harasser has power over you as long as you are quiet about it. The moment you spell out his deed and confront him, you are implying you are not ready to let him overpower you. You are letting him know that he has transgressed a boundary and that it is NOT ON with you. And that he should stop immediately!

Not all of us are born assertive, so it is a good idea to practice if necessary. Learn what your personal boundary is and react as soon as it is transgressed. Remember, you are protesting against the actions of the harasser which you find offensive, and not personally attacking the harasser.

Some tips for confronting the harasser.

• Ensure your body language is assertive and firm. DO NOT smile, hesitate, squirm, cry or giggle. Be confident in your approach.
• Be precise, loud and clear when you speak. Use a no-nonsense tone. Practice if necessary. Do not whisper or talk softly.
• Hold him accountable for what he did. Say, “You (with the specific details) __________. This is sexual harassment. I want you to stop harassing me.” Make short statements; do not pose questions that give the harasser opportunities to deny.
• Be angry, assertive and firm.
• It is your prerogative to end the conversation. You do not need to continue arguing or owe him (or listen to) any explanations. If he argues, interrupt him and end the dialogue.

Documenting the harassment

Keep a note of when (date, day and time), where and by whom were you harassed. Note how the incident happened and if you know the identity of the harasser. This is important especially if and when you want to pursue a legal case. Also if you have been facing continuous harassment, also document how you felt during those incidents and how you reacted to the same.

Sharing with Others

As long as you keep silent about the sexual harassment, you are giving the harasser powers to continue what he is doing. When you share with somebody, you take the case of sexual harassment from your personal level to a political level.

Sharing with a trusted family member or a friend is vital, not just for your own safety, but also to help have witnesses. Sharing also helps you to deal with the trauma and mixed emotions.
In case the harasser is a family member, by sharing, you might be helping some other members from the same fate.

Sharing is a difficult exercise for you. But until you don’t, you are not only supporting the sexual harassment with your silence, but also the harasser. So speak up, speak out. It is the harasser who is at fault. Not you!

A Safe Neighbourhood

The local community is an important safety net. When in need, you should not hesitate to call your neighbours for help. Remember, it is not your fault you were sexually harassed, but the harasser’s!

A safe neighbourhood not only means a socially conscious space, but one that makes you feel protected. You should know who you can contact if you are being harassed or attacked in the residential area. Evoking social sanction against sexual harassment is still an important way of preventing it. Some of the prerequisites for a safe neighbourhood include the following:

• Infrastructural facilities such as street lighting, public telephone booths, etc
• Public toilets or common toilets should have proper lighting and locks on the doors
• Regular rounds by security guards/ patrolling by either vehicle or foot
• In colonies, screening of entry of visitors to the neighbourhood. Registers can be maintained along with contact number and where the person is visiting.
• A team of residents can take charge of informing people on sexual harassment laws, contact details during emergency, such as police, help lines, ambulances, etc.
• Organize public awareness campaigns on sexual harassment in your locality, involving both men and women. Involve young people in this community project, as they are an important agent for bringing about change.
• Residents of a colony/ residential area can come together to deal with cases where community boys sexually harass women on the street. In such cases, positive actions such as warning the boys or even taking joint police action can go a long way in making women feel safe in the locality.

Legal Means

Sexual harassment is a crime. But when it occurs at home, it is difficult to resort to legal means.
In case, you think that you need to take legal steps, the following information will be helpful:

Criminal Procedure

When you choose to file a criminal case, it is important you prepare yourself with info on the Criminal procedure.

• The criminal procedure begins with filing a FIR. It is the first information report that the victim as a prime witness gives to the police and it sets the ball rolling for Criminal justice. However, even before you file the FIR it is a good idea to know the difference between Cognizable and Non-Cognizable Offences. Sexual harassment is a cognizable offence.
• Once the FIR is lodged, an Investigating Officer is assigned to begin a fact-finding process. Based on its investigation, the police can decide if the accused needs to be arrested or not. Post completion of the investigation, the police is required to draw a charge-sheet, which is to be submitted to the magistrate.
• The case is then presented in the Court, whereby the accused is either sent to judicial custody (for cognizable offences) or where the police seek permission to investigate the offence (for non-cognizable offence).
• Charges are framed by the Court, where the accused is informed of the same and is asked to take a stand (guilty or not).
• Evidences and witnesses of both the parties (prosecution and defence) are examined and cross-examined.
• Arguments are placed by both the parties.
• Finally resulting in judgment is announced, where the accused is either punished or acquitted.

Immediate Police Action

In case you are stuck in a situation where you need help from the police immediately, then do not hesitate to call 100. Your call is relayed to the nearest mobile Police Control Room.

Lodging a First Information Report (FIR)

The only way to stop sexual harassment is to name it for what it is. There will always be people to tell you it means nothing or that you are over-reacting. It might be “time-pass” for some, but filing an FIR is letting them know that it is a crime.

Keep in mind the following while lodging a FIR ….

• An FIR is always filed in the police station. However, it is not necessary that the victim must lodge it. It can be filed by a witness or by a police officer who comes to know of the crime too.
• Do not wait for too long before filing the FIR. It is understandable that you are apprehensive about the whole process, but unnecessary delay may hamper the legal process.
• The FIR must include time, venue and date on when the incident of sexual harassment took place, the identity of the accused and any other persons who might have supported him. In case the harasser was a stranger, then try to give as accurate description as possible.
• You must describe the incident as accurately as is possible. For instance, if you were groped, you should describe how and where.
• If you feel an ongoing threat or apprehensions of your personal safety from the accused, do mention it in the FIR.
• The FIR must be lodged in the area where the case of sexual harassment took place. Thus if you are sexually harassed in the harasser’s or your own home, you must then go to the police station under whose jurisdiction the area falls.
• Do go through the FIR once before you sign.
• The FIR must be duly stamped and signed by the Duty Officer and carry a Police Station stamp. Do note the serial number of the Report.
• Know that you are entitled to a copy of the FIR at no cost.
• When you file a FIR, remember you are only reporting the facts as you know, and do not have to prove them then.

Cognizable and Non-Cognizable Offences