Stalking

Harassment by Stalking

“Anandita had approached me a couple of weeks ago and asked me to instruct the guard of the building to screen people entering the locality.”
– Interview with the building secretary after she was found murdered probably by the stalker, a man from her office, [Indian Express, 18/10/2008]

Stalking may make for a thrilling scene in reel life, but ask any victim of stalking – it is a traumatic experience, filled with mental anguish and fear. What makes stalking sinister is not only a breach of privacy, but you live in constant threat of how and when your stalker may behave.

What is stalking?

Stalking refers to any kind of intrusive behaviour with the aim of establishing contact, obtaining private information or/and keeping a tap on your movement and actions. When the same form of intrusive behaviour occurs online or via the internet, it is called cyber-stalking.

“He forced girls to talk for long hours and at odd hours. If any girl refused, he got angry and used foul language. He even called their neighbours, making obscene allegations about the girl. He spent lakhs on such phone calls.” Additional CP, Crime, on a stalker who lifted phone numbers of women from the social networking site Orkut and took to harassing them, [Indian Express, 23/12/2007]

How to know if you are being stalked?

Most people know when it happens, but are either not aware that it is called so, do not take it seriously or are hesitant to come out in the open. If you think you are being stalked, take it seriously. You should know it is stalking when:

• You live in torment of the person accosting you or contacting you.
• You feel he is following you or trying to get in touch with you via emails/ posts/ calls/ text messages and so on.
• He tries to get in touch with you too often, a frequency you are not comfortable with.
• You feel threatened by the actions of this person or fear that he will cause physical harm to you
• His messages are not only intrusive but also obscene and repulsive.
• He has tried to get in touch with your family or workplace without your permission.
• The above has been happening over a period of time, say from few weeks to few months.

If two or more of the above is true, then beware, you are being stalked! If you are, then do something. Take action. Do not ignore it!

Common Questions and Beliefs: Stalking

What is not stalking?

The prime feature of stalking is that the stalker may or may not threaten you with other forms of crime.

Nevertheless it is important to differentiate it from other forms of crimes, though they may be accompanied by the same. Stalking is definitely NOT

• >Violent actions such as assault, molestation, pornography as these constitute separate charges.
• Spamming is not stalking. Spammers basically look for active e-mail ids for adverts. They are not interested in your other personal details.
• A one time event of staring or passing lewd comments. Stalking are repeated actions or establishing contact over a period of time.

Having made this differentiation, it is important you take your case of stalking seriously, as every case has the potential to escalate to a violent or a more serious crime.

Does stalking happen in India?

Yes! Stalking is very common in India and it is not restricted to popular personalities. It could happen to anybody. Though there are no statistics available on stalking, it happens, irrespective of victim’s background –class, age, rural or urban areas and social status.

Is stalking serious?

Yes! Stalking is a serious criminal offence. Sending you flowers or looking at you may not be dangerous in itself, but when you begin to feel threatened or intimidated by the person’s actions, it is time to get serious. Stalkers have the potential to cause you much harm. Moreover, stalkers have been known to become more violent over due course of time, and especially, when rejected. Stalking is often a prelude to other crimes such as rape, molestation, harm to physical property and even murders.

Can it happen to men too?

Yes, it could happen to men too, but it has been seen that it is women who are more commonly targeted. For the purpose of the website, we assume that the victim is a woman.

Can the stalker be a woman?

Yes. It could be a woman stalking a male child (as in a recent case), but it is more common for men to be the stalker. For the purpose of this website, we assume that the stalker is a man.

Why does stalking happen?

“There’s an unholy desire among stalkers to exercise control over their victims, and in many cases, the cyber stalker has a prior relationships with the victim.” – Cyber forensic expert in the Ministry of Home Affairs [TOI, 6/9/2005]

Stalking is an extreme form of sexual harassment. .

There are several factors that could encourage a stalker

• The stalker may believe he is in love with you. This form of obsession could come from either a complete stranger or a jilted boyfriend (as is more common).
• The stalker through his actions –intimidation and threats –wants to control you. It is essentially a power struggle for him. It is similar to other forms of sexual harassment in this sense.
• The stalker may have chosen you randomly -merely to vent his frustrations or desperations. In the process, he could be using either the internet or stalk offline or use a combination of various means. It is his way of forcing your attention on him, which you will not give otherwise.
• A stalker may be stalking you out of revenge or hatred. If this is the case, then be aware that he has potential to physically harm you and here too, the victim could be randomly chosen.

Who could be a stalker?

Stalkers could be anybody – colleague, ex-partner, ex-boyfriend, a neighbour, a friend, lecturer, class mate or a complete stranger. There are high chances it could be a person whom you have rejected earlier. Or it could be a relative stranger –some one who you have met online. .

In a certain case, the accused Pawan Kumar had made 1,627 calls out of which 885 were to the police control room, 137 to the MTNL operators and 595 to customer care services of mobile companies. Usually calling between 11 p.m. and 6 a.m., under influence of liquor, he loved talking to women on the phone. Moreover, these numbers were free of charge. [15/04/2006, The Hindu]

A small study among girl colleges (with a sample size of only 150 girls) in Tirunelveli City, Tamil Nadu (2007) found that 68.7% of the girl victims were being stalked by a stranger, while the rest had been stalked by a friend (13.3%) or a relative (18%).

Some of the most likely ‘places’ online where you can meet your stalker are community groups, chat groups, Bollywood music sites, social networking websites such as Orkut and Facebook.

How does stalking manifest?

“The caller may be doing this out of anger or aggression. Very often it’s the jilted lover or colleague who has been rebuffed. Or an ex-husband – people who are not able to express their anger directly. These men get excitement out of imagining the anxiety the women go through with such calls. In case of working women, it becomes inevitable that they take calls on their cell while at work. But such unrelenting calls can affect their work, send them into depression and even force them to resign.” – A psychiatrist, [The Hindu, 15/04/2006]

A stalker is known to use several ways of establishing contact with you. What makes stalking a unique crime is that the stalker uses not one, but several actions, and that not necessarily are criminal in nature. Even if they are routine in nature and not necessarily illegal (such as passing by your house or looking at you), they are not less intimidating for the victim. Here are some of the forms, which stalking can take. Remember, the stalker will use more than one of the following illustrations and will not be limited to these.

• Following you (either on foot/by vehicle/internet)
• Making blank phone calls repeatedly
• Making obscene calls over the phone (at strange hours)
• Sending obscene e-mails
• Sending unsolicited letters
• Photographing you without your permission>
• Sending untoward text messages on your cell phone
• Standing outside home
• Standing outside college/workplace
• Sending constant messages on online networking site
• Trying to break into your house or visiting home
• Spreading rumours about you
• Sending obscene messages to your online messengers
• Trying to make contact with you
• Keeping a tap on who you meet
• Keeping a tap on your friends
• Threats to harm you
• Making threats to harm your family and friends
• Harming your property or pets
• Cyber-stalking
• Spying on you
• Sending unwanted gifts
• Putting your morphed pictures/personal contact details on porn websites

Should I confront my stalker?

NO. It is advisable not to confront your stalker aggressively, especially when you are alone or the stalker is a rejected partner or when the stalker seems to have an obsessive personality.
Confronting a stalker may aggravate threats of physical and sexual assault. On the other hand, you should never cooperate with your stalker, as this may be read as an encouragement, even if you mean it as a rejection. Quietly, say you are not interested to your stalker, but do so firmly and every time. Also inform your family and/or go to the police.

“I must have done something to encourage him.”

No! You are in no way responsible for the actions of the stalker. Blaming yourself for the stalking is neither productive nor true.

In India, it is a common notion to believe it is the women who brought on the crime (for their behaviour, looks, clothing or lifestyle). This could not be more incorrect. You have done nothing to encourage the stalker. Resist if you are facing a blame for the crime from others. Remember, it is the stalker who must be penalized for stalking you, and not you.

“May be, he is in love with me….”

A stalker stalks because he wants to control the life of the victim. He may profess his undying love, but it is only a way of controlling another human being’s life. .

Priyadarshini Mattoo, a law student in Delhi, was stalked for over a year by her senior, who professed to be interested in her. She had rejected him, so he raped and brutally murdered her. It is hard to deal with a stalker, if he has been your intimate partner, but it needs to be done –firmly and without getting emotional. A person cannot be in love with you and then control you. Know the fine line between a healthy and unhealthy relationship.

“Stalkers must be fanatics or mentally disturbed men.”

This may or may not be true. Whether a stalker is mentally disturbed depends on their motivation to stalk you. .

But irrespective of their motivation, stalkers may look completely normal, may be educated, employed and may be from good families. Remember, a stalker may have the following feelings for you or a mix of several:

• Profess undying love for you.
• May believe you are in love with him.
• Feels resentful towards you, not necessarily romantically
• Feels rejected and seeks either a relationship or revenge
• Wants to sexually assault or physically overpower you

“Stalking is a harmless activity.”

Stalking is NOT harmless. In fact, a survivor of stalking lives through an extremely scary existence. .
There have been many cases where the constant fear and harassment has forced many victims to commit suicide. There is always a threat of the situation escalating or turning violent. This forces many stalking victims to keep mum out of fear. But maintaining silence only further aggravates the situation. You should neither confront the stalker nor ignore him. You should definitely take action.

Cyber Stalking

“Awareness should begin in schools and colleges so that kids are not susceptible to the negative side of technology. This year, till March, we have received 20 petitions on cases of victimisation of women and children in cyber space.” – Assistant Commissioner of Police, Cyber Crime Cell, [The Hindu, 03/05/ 2007]

Everyday we log onto the internet, either for business or for leisure. Consequently we leave a trail of information, including websites we visited, photographs, contact details, birth date and other personal information.

For someone who is adept and who is interested, it isn’t difficult to trace information online especially through community networks such as Orkut, Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter, among others. Orkut is known to have communities specifically for stalkers, with such names as ‘Orkut Stalkers’ club’ with 664 members and ‘Creepy Stalkers Unite’. These communities are known to give tips to stalkers on different ways to stalk women! [The Hindu, 04/03/2006]

Cyber-stalking means stalking using Internet and electronic means. This could manifest in different ways and degrees. It feels especially threatening because of the relative ‘anonymity’ of the stalker and the internet still makes most people uncomfortable. All the more important why you should take precautions when you are online.

The following are some examples of cyber-stalking:

• You start getting obscene calls from strangers, after you have posted your private contact details/photographs, etc on pornographic websites.
• When someone is following you online
• Leaving repeated unwelcome messages on your e mail
• Spreading rumours about you online, especially in online communities
• Sending you obscene unsolicited emails
• Establishing contact via repeated emails which may be either threatening, sexually explicit or propositioning.
• Sending you pornographic material
• Keeping tap of your personal whereabouts via Internet
• Hacking your email id and password, using it for establishing contact or impersonating you
• Establishing contact with you in guise of different user names or profiles

There are several precautions you can take:

• Do not give away personal (real) details to ‘chat friends’.
• Avoid meeting a ‘chat friend’ offline. The person could not be what he or she seems to be. If you have to meet, then meet in a public space and take a friend along with you. Inform others of your whereabouts.
• Do not share your email ids and passwords with anybody, even best friends or siblings.
• Be careful who you befriend online, especially in community networks such as Facebook and Orkut (even if you have common friends).
• Do not click on links embedded in unsolicited emails.
• Be careful that you not give away details such as home address, phone or cell number and real name to people whom you have just met online.
• Do not send photographs to people you have just met.
• Use the privacy option in networking sites religiously. But nevertheless be careful, as these can still be hacked.
• Use a strong and different password (which variations of alphabets, numbers & case) for every online service you use, such as emails, chats and so on.
• Do not give away credit/ debit card details to any emails or web page which asks for such data. Most banks do not ask for such information on emails or via phone.
• Do not delete your existing profile, as this will remove evidence.

Possible Steps

First things first, take it seriously! The more cautious you are, the more chances there are of your stopping it and ensuring your safety. Whatever strategies you adopt, your personal safety should be your first priority.

Do not respond!

Unlike in sexual harassment cases, do not respond to your stalker. Ask him only once immediately to stop stalking you.

Be firm but not rude. Remember, the stalker will attempt to establish contact with you often. Do not respond to these contacts. Ask him to leave if he visits you at your home or workplace. Be firm, neither rude nor polite. Never meet him, either privately or publicly, even if you know him or have been intimate with him. This may weaken your case later, as it shows your cooperation with the stalker. If your stalker is making frequent calls, then do not respond, but just keep it down without disconnecting the line. Similarly, do not respond to text messages or emails either.

This is not easy when you know your stalker or when you have to meet him in some other space, say at work or when he lives near your house. He could be a friend, an acquaintance, a neighbour, a colleague or even your ex-partner/boyfriend. Nevertheless, it is important you do not cooperate with him. At the same time, remember direct or violent confrontation may aggravate the stalker.

What not to say to the stalker

Do not unconsciously give excuses to the stalker, especially when he is a friend or an acquaintance or an ex-partner. A NO means just that.

You do not have to justify yourself or give explanations.

• Do not argue/discuss/ negotiate with the stalker.
• Do not say “I have a boyfriend” or “I am married.” This suggests you would have been interested if you didn’t have a boyfriend or weren’t married.
• Do not suggest you are not interested in a relationship at this point. This suggests you are in some near future.
• Do not say you are busy right now. This encourages the stalker to contact you later.
• You should never approach your stalker. This is a direct encouragement to the stalker.

Document the Stalking

It is very important you maintain a diary of actions the stalker takes. Maintaining records is important for these become important proof when you take up the case in Court.

Remember to note down the following in your diary:

• Phone calls, its content, the time of call & duration
• See if you can install caller id. Note down the number the calls committee from. It is highly likely there will be more than one number.
• Keep a record of stalker’s actions, such as if he has been following you, trying to speak to you, established contact with your family and so on. Record even what dress he was wearing on any particular given date.
• Keep details of cars or any other vehicle the stalker has used to follow you.
• Do not delete any unsolicited e-mails you might have received. Take print outs and even screenshots, if possible. Keep them in your computer as well for future reference.

Take photographs of destroyed property before calling the Police

• Do not throw away any letters received by post. Keep them safe, along with photocopies, if necessary.
• Keep chat messages you might have had online with the stalker or messages he left on your messenger.
• Online profile of the stalker, if you are being stalked online.
• Website addresses where the stalker visits.
• Keep any gifts you might have received.

Friends and Family

Most victims of stalking keep it to themselves, thinking if they choose to ignore the stalker, he will go away.

This will not happen and neither is it a safe option. In fact the more time you take to take action, the more encouragement you give him.

Instead inform your trusted family members & friends who you think can help you with further action. If your stalker is someone from workplace, then your colleagues should know about it. Sometimes a warning from family members can also curb the situation, especially when the stalker stays in your locality or is an ex-partner. Moreover, the more you involve other people, the more witnesses you create, should you choose to pursue a legal case later.

Going to the Police

Reporting your stalker is vital, especially since stalking is a crime by Indian law. For this, the first thing you need to do is file a FIR.

The police may ask questions such as whether you know the stalker; how you know him; your daily schedule and so on. Do not hesitate to give out personal details, where needed. In some cases, a police warning may be enough to stop the stalking. Book each and every illegal incident with the Police, as and when it happens, under the required Section [Laws for Stalking].

You need to take the situation even more seriously when the stalker is an ex-partner/ ex-boyfriend or the obsessive kind. You must approach the police as such type of stalker may be more notorious. Do not feel sorry for your stalker because you have rejected him or because you know him or think that he will stop. Whatever be the case, it is important that you come out and come out safe. Report the case to police!

Complaint Application

In order to report your case of cyber-stalking, you must report to the Head of the Cyber crime investigation cell.

A complaint application must contain the following minimum details at least:

• Print outs of e-mails or instant messages received
• Phone numbers from which the stalkers have called
• Website address where the profile of the stalker is present
• Screen shots of any relevant webpage

This must be accompanied by documents of proof such as necessary print outs, phone bills, any pamphlets or brochures received by post/courier and so on.

Personal safety

Your personal safety is your first priority.

• Be mentally prepared to defend yourself physically, if needed.
• Inform your family members of your whereabouts periodically.
• Seek police protection, especially when the stalker is an intimate ex- or rejected partner.
• Keep your mobile phones handy. Save important emergency contact numbers through speed dial.
• Housing pets are good ways of protecting yourself from stalkers.
• Install a good & strong security system for your house.
• Keep your car or house keys ready in hand.
• Keep your house well-lighted, especially the doorway, the staircases and so on.
• Give necessary instructions to the security guards (if any), where you stay or work, to screen entry of visitors to your place. Inform them of your experience of stalking.
• Ask one of your neighbours to watch out your place for any suspicious characters.
• Be aware of your surroundings, especially when you are in walking or moving about in a public space.
• Keep a friend or a neighbour informed about your circumstances and stay at her place, if the need arises.
• Keep changing routes to any regular destinations such as your school, college, workplace or home. Also, change your routine frequently, if possible.
• Use peepholes for main entry and install wire meshes.
• Do not change your phone number.
• Trust your instincts. They are your best friend, especially in time of need.

Laws dealing with Stalking

see the following section on Taking Legal Action